thesuperfunnymynoseisrunnyextracrazystory
by s.s.harry
Summary: it is a super-funny-my-nose-is-runny-extra-crazy-story!
1. I'll fry tat damn bird

A/N: Ello lads! Hope ya' like ma story! My last one Weird Weasley feelings didn't rock the mic like I expected, so I gave up on the sucker. Hope you like my new story 'cause it's probably better than me last one and I hope you enjoy it *moths words `please review!'*.

*chapter 1- Superduperextrawackyeataturkeypottereatsjerkyallnightlonglemmeseeyothoong

Harry sat in his room thinking, thinking hard. 

Harry's thoughts: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow....

Hedwig came soaring through the window. She soared over Harry's head attempting to drop a letter, but instead she let a load on Harry head. "thanks a lot, I just washed my hair you rat ooh... you' re lucky your a gift or else you d be in a frying pan right now..."Harry growled. He took the letter off his bed and read what it said:

Yo Harry,

come over as soon as you can. Percy quit his old job at the ministry and won't tell no one until you come over what's his new job. I am dying to know . Dad will come for you in a few minutes 

peace an' love, Big R

This made Harry feel much better and he turned on his System of the Damned CD as he waited for Mr. Weasley. 

(A/N): sorry this chappies so short but don worry, it'll get better before it gets worse or maybe the other


	2. PW's a PIMP!

(A/N): Hey lads, how' er ya doing? Please Review, I don't think anyone's reviewed lately...don't worry, I'll try to write every day, or at least on the weekends. Please review! (Pouts lip and give puppy eyes)

Anyway I'm just ranting, enjoy your story, Peace and Love S.S. Harry (note-I'll review one of your stories if you review mine)!

Disclaimer-*sobbing* I don't own any of the characters*runs to mom crying*

Chapter2- P.W. 's Chos

Harry heard his Aunt scream and he knew that Mr. Weasley had arrived. Fred and George came into Harry's room and helped him with his trunk. "Sup, Harry?", Fred gave him the grin that Harry only knew so well. George was staring at Harry's boom box. He turned it on it softly played White America's intro music. Then he pushed the button MAXIMUM VOLUME. Harry ran and turned the volume down. Then Get Low was on.

TO THE WINDOWS, TO THE WALLS

TILL THE SWEAT DROP DOWN MY B***S

TILL ALL THESE B****ES CALLS

TILL ALL SKEE SKEES MOTHERF****ERS

STOP OH THEN WIGGLE WIT IT

STOP OH THEN WIGLE WIT IT

DUM DRUM DUM DRUM DUM...

(A/n: I have no idea why I put that I love the song!)

They happily arrived to the Burrow. "Hi Harry it's awesome to see you," said Hermione. Ginny and Hermione kissed him on either cheek. "P.W.! Harry's here get yo' a** down here and tell us that secret of yours!" Yelled Ginny. Percy came downstairs. Harry wiped his eyes in disbelief. Percy wore a powder blue suit with a matching hat that had a blue feather on it. On each side of him there were multiple Chos or at least that's what it looked like. When he looked closer he noticed some were younger than others were.

" May I introduce the Changs? These are Cho, Chelsey, Alice, Niko, Britiney, Sandra, Lillian, Mandy, Grace, Gracie, Lizzie, and Rose petal I calls her," said Percy said. He then walked towards Harry. "Hello playa stay in straight," said Percy shaking his hand. "I'm a pimp now if you don't mind and these are my Changs Nugga!" Said Percy with a smile. This surprised the hell out of everyone so much that they were certain that they would have the chance to go to heaven without screwing up for years, even at Halloween !

At bed that night they sung a little song:

**__**

PERCY GOT CHOS (HE GOT CHOS)

IN DIFFERENT AREA CODES(AREA)

AREA CODES (COOODES)

CHOS, CHOOOS

IN DIFFERENT AREA CODES AREA CODES

They then began to shout:

**__**

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU HEARD ABOUT HIM,

ALL I KNOW IS THAT HE IS A PIMP

CLEANSWEEP, BUNCH OF CHOS 

IT'S FOR SHO

ALL THE CHANGS ARE A LARGE GROUP OF HOS

*PIMP MIX*

**__**

C -H-A-N-GS P-I-M-P IS AN PURE WEASLEY!

WHO WOULDA THOUGHT THAT PERCY

COULD BE A P-I-M-P!

"Shut up!" yelled Mr.Weasley. "You're busting up my groove!" "Too much info!" yelled Ginny from the other room "and we don't want to hear that !" yelled Fred and George.


	3. The Malfoy Blues

Hey y'all!

(A/N) this is awesome! Reviews! Reviews! Reviews! Isn't it wonderful!

(DISCLAMER): I do not own Harry Potter or anything in this chapter except The Malfoy Blues. The day I own Harry Potter is the day J.K. Rowling commits murder. I'd write the headline:

J.K. ROWLING KILLS R.L.STINE AND J.R.R. TOLKEN FOR SAYING BOOK FIVE WAS HORRID. LATER AFTER THAT SHE KILLS STEPHEN KING FOR ASKING HER OUT DURING AN AUTOGRAPH SIGNING.

CHAPTER 3: Back To School Blues

*In new bewitched car of Mr.Weasley*

Harry knew he would miss the Burrow, but he was happy to get away from the Chang girls! They had been nagging and bothering for a wild party. Truth be told, they had scared him. It was a good thing Hermione had his back. She was an excellent wingman, or so he considered her. She was helpful always at the right time. Harry liked being her friend.

~ Flash back~

Chelsey: Hey Harry, wanna have a party?

Harry: Um.... No. I want to practice quidditch instead.

Chelsey: I'll go with you, after all I was the best seeker Ravenclaw had ever seen... wait everyone else went to Diagon Alley this afternoon, how're you supposed to practice

Harry: Err...

(Hermione comes in and sees Harry desperate situation)

Hermione: Hey Harry, can you help me? Snape gave us such a hard time, so much summer homework. I can easily write I just need someone to have a second opinion (looks at angry Chelsey) and not a ho. Excuse us Chelsey.

(Chelsey glares at their retreating backs)

Harry: Close one I owe you 'Moine, whenever a Slytherin or someone bothers you I'll blackmail them until they have a nervous breakdown.

Hermione: No problem Harry, besides what are friends for?

~ End of flash back~

*At the train* 

Harry sat in the same compartment as he did on his first year of school. He was there thinking about all his years at Hogwarts while Hermione and Ron were busy with their prefect duties. He then heard a harmonica. He was en entranced and followed the sweet sound of the blues. It led to Malfoy's Prefect compartment. He was surrounded by a group of Slytherins. He began to sing:

**__**

Today I saw perfect Potter

As always he was gettin'on my nerves

Talkin' to that mudblood Granger

The weasel king right behind

They was talkin' 'bout quidditch

Now I can't get quidditch off my mind!

I've got the blues 

(Pansy: blues! blues!)

The Malfoy blues 

(Pansy: Malfoy blues)

'Cause they always around

(Blaise: yeah!)

Changin' my smirk to a frown

(Millicent: oh no!)

The blues

(Pansy: blues! blues!)

The Malfoy blues

(Pansy: malfoy blues!)

That damn Granger!

Passin ahead o' me

Whish she'd feel my anger

She got an, I got a D!

The Blues 

(Pansy: blues! blues!)

The Malfoy blues

(Malfoy bluuues)

'Cause they always around

(Blaise: yeah!)

Changin my smirk to a frown

(Millicent: oh no!)

Theeeeeee Malfoy Bluuuuuuuues yeah!

(Harmonica plays ending notes)

Malfoy then changed his harmonica into a banjo and began to play extremely fast.

**__**

Oh potter you rotter!

Oh what have you done!?

You're killing the kiddies!

But you're not on the run?

All we have to do is hear your name

If you ask me, 

We've gotten dead tired of your fame!

Like the Weasley, 

You're a disgrace to the wizarding name hey!

"That's nothing Draco dearest," said Pansy smiling sweetly. Harry noticed an unhappy struggling look on Malfoy's face that made a smile appear on Harry's face. She then began to sing:

**__**

Meow, meow, meow, meow

I'm your kitten

Meow, meow, meow, meow

I'm not kidden

Meow, meow, meow, meow

You're like no other

Meow, meow, meow, meow

You're my lover!

Malfoy's face turned a sickly green when he saw Harry laughing his scar off. "Don't.... Tell.... Anyone... please," said Malfoy in a pleading voice. There was a glint in Harry's eyes that said his plea means nothing. "I won't stop telling people until hell freezes over. Unless...you go to Hermione in front of the whole school and say 'I love you and I can't live without you will you marry me' and if she says no, I go to the prophet and get that song printed. Oh and it has to be in front of the school at the opening ceremony." Malfoy turned blue. He knew what he had to do.


	4. authors threaten reveiwers ya' know

Authors plead: PLEASE, please review! I am running out of ideas quicker than a jet plane can move.

Reveiw with ideas and get one of my cookies a' lamos as promised! I will hold the next chapter of BOTH my stories if I don't get reviews. If I don't see at least 10 reviews, I swear I wiil terrorize people whom have already written until some one reviews! Don't think I won't, you don't know me. Instead of writing for the weekend I'll play video games all weekend.

S.S. Harry 


	5. where is Carmen San Diego?

Chapter4- Where is Carmen San Diego?

(Summary): Holy crap, I haven't written so long I've forgotten what's happened so far dammit!

"Hello students and welcome back to Hogwarts. As many of you are probably wondering, yes I've lost my marbles. My favorite on is gone. It is light green and has a mixed effect on it." Said Dumbledore happily.

" NNow today we are to have a game. It is a muggle game called where is Carmen San Diego. I hope you all enjoy it. Okay. I will now use the goblet of fire to determine who can play." He pulls goblet from out of his trousers to where many people felt violated at the moment. The fire spit out 5papers. "The people who's names come out on the same piece of paper are a team. Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy. Ronald Weasley, Blaise Zarbini. Hanna Abbot, Justin Flintch -Fletchy. Virginia Weasley, Vincent Crabbe (I know a guy named Vincent from school. Pain in the ass he is. The could be the same people!). Okay let's play (A/N: that rhymes!)

Everyone goes to the room of requirement, which looks like a game show area.

"Okay now. When I ask a question use your buzzer okay? Let's begin!" Said Dumbledore cheerfully. "Question number1: Which television show is where gay men help do makeovers for straight men?"

Hermione' s buzzer goes off. " Queer eye For the Straight Guy." " right you are! Choose a place on the map and that will give you you're first clue." Dumbledore gave a faint smile. Draco grabs card on France. "The place in which she lies is above the equator's eyes? What the hell?" Said Draco confused. "Next Question: what is a famous sport in which people kick a ball in to a net guarded by a keeper or goalie?"

Flintch -Fletchy pushes buzzer. " Soccer!" "Don't mind if I do Fletchy," Draco socks Hermione hard on the arm. "Ow Malfoy!"

five hours later...

"Okay the score is: Draco, Hermione- 100 points. Ron and Blaise -700 points. Hanna and Justin- 550 points. Virginia and Vincent- 850 points. Congratulations Virginia and Vincent for finding Carmen San Diego! Good night everyone!" Dumbledore walks of stage. Ginny and Crabbe dance, Blaise and Ron are confused, Hanna and Justin are happy they tried, and Hermione is snogging Malfoy to cheer him up. "Hermione! How

could you? Oh the horror! The shame! Oh I think I'm going to faint," Harry dramatically falls on ground. "Er... Harry, what are you doing?" Ron asks even more confused. "I'm trying to win an Emmy," he said simply. " But, book characters can 't win Emmys Harry,"Ron said as confused as ever. "Oh right, I forgot all about that..."

(A/N): Well, kinda boring. Warning author block for this story. Review and send ideas thanks. S.S.Harry signing out.


	6. None sense Harry!

Chapter 7 i think: none sense Harry!

ME: Hey I haven't written this in a long time. My maniac Internet stalking, coffee and banana addicted friends. As usual the perfect, flawless quite beautiful-

Sirius: Per lease, as if you are perfect, you stalk, play old games called Magic the Gathering, and are a couch potato.

ME: what proof do you have that I am a couch potato?

Sirius: you watched the whole cartoon series Escaflowne in one frickin' day!

ME: it's a good story. the love between Hideti and Van (Vaughn) was so great, it made my heart light. It was like an almost 8 hour movie, if not more.

Sirius rolls his eyes

Sirius: couch potato.

Me: I so heard that!

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

HG: it Sirius!

Ginny: No Remus!

HG: No Sirius!

Ginny; No Remus!

ME: What the hell are you two babbling about?

HG: I'm trying to tell her that in their relationship that Remus is the bitch and Sirius is the bull.

Ginny: No Remus is the bull.

ME stares hopelessly at the pathetic girls and moves on to another argument.

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Sirius: Ginny!

Remus: Mione!

Sirius: Ginny!

Remus: Mione!

ME: What are you arguing about?

Remus: who's got better legs.

Ron approaches fuming.

Ron: Which one of you said they like my sister's legs?

Remus points at Sirius. And Ron jumps on Sirius.

Ron: I'll make you eat those words damn it!

Me stares at Sirius sadly as he is tied to chair. Ron holding words in front of Sirius.

Ron: EAT IT NOW PADFOOT!

Sirius: No way can you-

Ron uses this chance to shove words in Sirius mouth . Sirius is forced to swallow words.

ME: God this is pathetic...

Van in Escaflowne: Want me to take em out?

ME: Be my guest...

Sirius: Wait a minute! You were took of air after your fifth cartoon episode, what makes you think they want you here?

Van thinks for a moment.

Van: Oh you're right, but I got revenge. I promised Hideti not to fight anymore right? But before I did I went and murdered the guys at Cartoon Network! They were served the wrath of Van Flannel! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ***gasp*** HAHAHAHAHAHAAAH!

Slices Sirius and picks up Hermione.

Van: Merle could use a new scratching post.

Harry runs up to Ecaflowne.

Harry: I'll fight him!

ME: None sense Harry you'll get killed!

Remus clasp hands over my mouth.

Remus: that's the whole idea. 

Harry runs to tickle Escaflowne and is squashed into a plate with green eyes and hair.

ME: FIESTA!

Everyone starts dancing as Molly serves chips and dip on a plate with green eyes.

5 hours later....

Everyone joins hands and begin to sing:

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD!

WHICH WITCH?

THE WITCH IS WICH!

WHICH WITCH IS WITCH?

30 minutes later when everyone's wasted....

Remus: wanna go upstairs gin?

Ginny: I'd be honored.

ME pulls a curtain over Gin and Moony in the room.

ME: Ya wanna know what happened? too bad, beauty and the beast need their privacy now. I'll tell you something else though, it what Rouge said to Knuckles when he tried to advance on her. "ooh, Put that thing back where it came from or so help me, so help me, so help me, and cut! Bye, bye sweet people, STALK YA LATER! ( I really mean it)


	7. oops I did it again

(A/N): Hey folks S.S.Harry here! Don't worry, our friend Sirius is still alive, even though he was turned into mincemeat. ANYWAYS, I just had a whole pot of coffee with three shots of espresso per cup. So I'm hypie! Yay! *Peels a banana and continues to slip on peel for lots of fun*

Chappie uh oh I forgot: oops i did it again.

ME: Oh god I am soo bored.

Sirius: Me too. S.S.Harry, make the day fun.

ME thinks for a while. Then jumps up and push her glasses to her face.

ME: Let's go to the library!

Sirius: HAVE YOU GONE NUTTERS? THE LIBRARY IS FOR GEEKS AND CREEPY KNOW- IT- ALLS!

ME: Not a book library, being an agnimus must've made you stuck with a dog brain. I'm talking about the anime library! 

Everyone walks into anime library. Sirius, James, Harry, Ron, and Kyle sit in front (A/N: Kyle is my best friend at school. I found out my friend Jennifer liked him and laughed myself into a state of being a retard). 

ME: What do you wanna see guys?

Sirius: BRITNEY SPEARS! BRITNEY SPEARS!

ME: unfortunately this is an anime library with only ANIME in it.

Everyone but ME: BRITNEY SPEARS! BRITYNEY SPEARS1 BRITNEY SPEARS!

ME: okay, we'll watch Britney Spears.

ME turns on music video.

Britney Spears jumps out of T.V. screen and boys start to scream. She walks up and down the isles singing "you drive me crazy" finally choosing to sit on Harry's lap. Harry blushes as she rubs her hand on his face and gets up to approach Sirius and trips over her heels and falls with head in sand revealing a black and red satin thong. Using the time she couldn't see Sirius gave her a pat on the but. She quickly jumped up and did an upper cut to nearest person who was Ron. She then did a spinning donkey kick like Chun Li. Ron got up and then fainted. She started to jump like Chun Li when she wins a battle but when she noticed the hand wasn't the same as the one that touched she put on a sad face.

BS: Oops, I did it again. They shouldn't have touched me though, ugh fans just drive me CRAZY! 

ME: It's okay. Stupid Sirius! You know that was outta the question!

Britney S.: ugh... god he looks like he just started to recover from hell.

Remus: eh, you could say that.

Sirius: Well you don't look so good yourself Mr. Moony!

ME: Well he doesn't look too bad except for a few grey hairs.

Sirius: Shut up!

ME: Certainly.

Sirius: Pathetic. Kids this warns you all, don't do crack.

A few first years nod their heads in understanding and stare scared at ME.

ME: I am not on crack!

(A/N): Really not on crack. Next chappie we'll learn about Sirius pick-up phrases.


	8. pickup classes with SB and RL

Chapter 8: Pick-up classes with Sirius Black and Remus Lupin

***

ME: Hey readers, so far Harry asked about pick up lines hoping to score in a bar. Sirius Sexy (as he likes to say) Black and Remus Wolf boy (as Tonks told me which was just a big Ew)Lupin are going to start a class. I told them it's hopeless but they surprised me as everyone wanted to go, even girls. So not wanting to be hated, I went to the class room which is the room of requirement.

***

Sirius at door: Welcome everyone, welcome, be prepared to learn how to make a female, or guy, melt into your arms. When you enter please write your pickup line on the paper given to you.

Everyone comes in and writes on paper. Sirius collects paper over reading them.

Sirius: Okay fellows and felines, just kidding 'Moine. I'm gonna start at the first paper and tell them aloud to everyone here. Okay let's see, this ones okay... 'what's that sizzling noise? Oh it's you babe' submitted by Fred. And lets see ha ha ha ha listen to this 'how do you like your eggs? scrambled or fertilized?' cleverly formed by George.

Ginny: Pathetic George who'll you be picking up with that line? 

George: a drunk chick at a bar.

Sirius: Next one is from Harry 'Hey babe did it hurt when you fell from the sky? Cause you must be an angle.' Let's see um this ones by Ginny 'hey kid you like magic tricks? Ive gotta a couple, but for private display only.' very good, cheesy but good. See Dumbledore says 'you are a heaven in hell, a daisy in a yard full of rocks, let us be like a vine and a gate, united' Err... Professor, please leave the room and don't come on back.

Dumbledore takes a lemon drop from pocket as he leaves.

Sirius: Moving on... we've got a good one from Collin, 'D you like flying? How 'bout taking a ride on my broom for a while?' excellent.

Sirius scans papers for a good line.

Sirius: Oooh this is good Malfoy, 'My mansion isn't the biggest thing I have, how'd you like to come ond play with it?' couldn't of said it better my damn self.

Sirius passes papers to Remus overlooks and sees rubbish. Then throws to fire which spits them at Remus.

Remus: What was that for?

Fire: Man these lines really suck more ass than ass wipes have seen.

***

ME: Kinda short sorry planning to writ new SB/GW and HG/PP just kidding, don't go off the wall I meant RL take a breath, I need some brandy, and a bag of chips!


	9. bon jovi mmm

(A/N): Hey guys! How's everyone hanging? KK this chap is dedicated to my favourite rock bands! YEAH BABY!

Harry: I'm bored.

Hermione: giggles

Harry: What's up?

Ginny: We're just talking about what rock bands we like and who's hot and who's not.

Harry: Can I join in?

Ginny: shrug

Tonks: Nic Chester most definitely.

Ginny: From Jet?

Tonks: Yeah.

Ginny & Hermione: EWWW!

Tonks: Well I'm not the one who Jon Bon Jovi, a 60 year old man!

Hermione: Hey that was personal.

Jon Bon Jovi: You really like me

Hermione: Oh my fucking god!

Hermione and ME faints

Bon Jovi: What sweet little girls.

ME: What?!

Hermione: sobs We're not little girls!

ME: We're teenagers!

Hermione: wails you don't think we're pretty!

Hermione& ME: WHY! sob why does everyone think we're ugly.

Modest Mouse: Alright, already we'll all float on!

ME: squeal MODEST MOUSE!

Hugs lead singer.

ME: I'll take you home with me and I'll take care of you and you won't die like my last 3 hamsters. I named them James, Remus, and I named one Barty Crouch. Now I'm going to name you Sirius. And don't even worry about my snake Bellatrix, she could kill you in less than 30 seconds, but she won't she's so sweet. She always ended up in my hamster cage when one of them went missing though…

Lead Singer: Help me.

Bon Jovi: Bye dude.

Shinedown: And he's staring down the barrel of a 45...

System of the down: Right now, right now.. We don't give a fuck about your world with all your-

ME: OMG! System of the down! I swear to god you guys rock.

Slipknot: so nobody loves us.

James: I do…

Slipknot! Eww get away you fag.

James: I'm no fag! I'm married.

Guy with dreadlocks: Hey you!

Hermione: what?

Guy: What do you see?

Hermione: err…

Guy: Something beautiful or something free?

Everyone but Hermione: The beautiful People, the beautiful people.

Butthole surfers guy: detachable penis… detachable penis.

Slipknot: We change our minds, he's gay.

Butthole Surfers guy: No I'm not, I'm one of the social reject of these so called united states.

ME: This is England. But eh… What's good for the goose is good for the gander, so you can pluck out his feathers and smile…

Butthole surfer guy: how d'you know our lyrics.

Me: looks around shiftily Come here and I'll tell you.

Butthole surfer guy leans in.

Me: gives French kiss

Butthole surfer guy: haven't had one of those in a while.

ME: That's it for now! R&R plz. And give bon jovi a kiss for me! BYE! And read my other stuff!


End file.
